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You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.Your EX-Wife.Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand together! Have a great life!REPLY:Dear Ex-wife, Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.It’s true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & bitching. Too bad that doesn’t work anymore.I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy!’ Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment ... and when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER because I haven’t eaten. This was my favoritetime of year and I couldn't wait to finish dinner. We were soon in theliving room and the adults were enjoying drinks over pleasantconversation and soon things began to unwind. "Well, Timothy looks pretty antsy to get going so I suppose we'd betterpass out the presents," Dad said as he began to dig around the pile ofboxes and packages under the tree. "Here you go boy," he said as hetossed me a brightly wrapped present. I opened it to find a complete video game system I had wanted for a longtime and was very excited to get it. Dad seemed pleased at the outcomeand my surprise. I thanked him and mom twice. Another present came my wayand I found it to be clothes, a knit sweater from my grandmother and apair of dress slacks. Mom got a new mixer from dad and some jewelry andthey both gave Madge a gift certificate to an upscale lingerie shop intown and also gave her some glass kitchen cookware. Another round ofdrinks followed for the adults as I collected the spent paper.
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